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Taking Back Control in Abusive Relationships

So we’ve addressed the importance of picking and winning small battles, as well as of not entering into an argument with your spouse on topics on which there’s really no ‘winning.’ What else can you do to get out from… Continue Reading

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Under My Thumb–Controlling Spouses, Part VII: Taking Back Control #1

At one end of the relationship gradation is patriarchal violence [and, as I’ve mentioned before, if you are in a physically abusive relationship in which you are beaten to the point of physical harm, this blog is not for you.… Continue Reading

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When is Control Abuse?

I’d like to briefly address in this post the fine line between the controlling spouse and the abusive one. The controlling partner can, you feel, cause you to behave in ways you don’t want to avoid his/her anger, but I’d… Continue Reading

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The (Self-)Blame Game

As people read about couples where one partner is dominated and controlled by the other, most healthy individuals wonder why, in heaven’s name, the controlled partner doesn’t leave–or at least make it clear that the day of a new regime… Continue Reading

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Stuck in My Marriage: What Am I Afraid Of?

Having acknowledged in the past post that simply forgiving your spouse’s controlling behaviors, and sweeping your own anger under the rug, is not a way to either improve your situation or achieve self-respect, let us return to steps you should… Continue Reading

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How to Control Your Spouse–Beware

Before you read on I want to make it extremely clear that the control I am discussing in these posts does NOT deal with patriarchal abuse or violence. I use ‘patriarchal violence’ as a term to describe violence in which… Continue Reading

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How Controlling Spouses Work Their Power

Throughout my years in practice, I have been surprised by the number of people I have seen–almost always individuals, the other spouse firmly against therapy–who have been involved with controlling partners. Although, when you read these histories, you may feel that… Continue Reading

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Winning Small Victories Against a Controlling Spouse

We left off with the story of Lou, the poorly behaved terrior, who got whipped into shape in the last post with a little bit of tough love. That story has a couple of lessons about control that are crucial… Continue Reading