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Campaigning For Attention in the Blended Family: New Spouse vs. Children

Let’s address what happens when the ones campaigning for attention of a certain parent are a child–and the new spouse. Look, let’s face it. Your child has very little cause to be invested in your new marriage. Either he’d like… Continue Reading

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Divorcing and Mediating, 101

Did you ever get the feeling you might have missed something? (In point of fact, I had that feeling all through organic chemistry, and, since I never really could figure out what I missed–but knew for certain I hadn’t gotten… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: High Conflict Marriages and Their Impact on Children #1

In the last five posts I addressed several different kinds of problem marriages, where often the basic underpinnings of the marriage are weak, and thus one or more partners often ends up asking if they should stay or go. Let… Continue Reading

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Let’s Get Wonky: The Research on Mediation? Yup–It Really Works

There’s nothing I find more satisfying than believing in something–and then knowing that the research backs me up. When it happens the other way it’s a total bummer. But I happen to be in luck on the topic of mediation,… Continue Reading

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Mediation: Good For Me, Good For You, and Good For the Kids

 So let’s say you’re in a “what’s in it for me?” stance when the option of mediation is broached. It’s reasonable–you’ve been through a terrible time in your marriage, and you don’t want to get taken for a ride. You’re… Continue Reading

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You CAN Stay: Making It Work

Judith and Jay* had a checkered relationship, as so many long-term marrieds do. They had weathered raising the children, as well as the empty-nest syndrome. Sometimes she drove him round the bend with her non-stop chatter and tendency to cheer-lead; she… Continue Reading

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The Step-Siblings

To start your proactive work on preventing rivalry for a parent’s attention between siblings or between children and a new spouse, I recommend that you as the parent and step-parent consciously partition your home time into four parts: time with… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Changing the Ground Rules #3: “I Changed My Mind,” ct’d

Well, your spouse pulled that old Mitt Romney, “I changed my mind” on you, and now you don’t even recognize your own marital territory. It’s hard–and my heart goes out to you. But before you make any decisions, I think… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Changing the Ground Rules: Some Suggestions

What do you do when faced with a situation like Trish’s, where your partner loses a career and becomes a mere shadow of him or herself? Or one like Timothy’s, where your life’s mate morphs into someone you don’t know… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Changing the Ground Rules #3: “I Changed My Mind”

Betty and Brian* were confirmed atheists, and had been since they were teenagers. So when her Catholic family and his Jewish family protested about their marriage, they laughed at the small-mindedness of their parents and threw themselves a huge wedding… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Changing the Ground Rules #2: Illness and Disability

Tamika* and Timothy* had an unusual arrangement, but it worked for them. Tamika, an open-heart surgeon, became quite successful, to the point where she was able to take only private pay patients. She surely brought home the bacon. And Timothy did… Continue Reading

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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Problem Marriages #2–Rescue Marriages

It probably seemed pretty clear how the first problem marriage structure, of the over- and under-functioning spouses, could lead to marital stress–although  many of these couples stay together for the long-term. The second ‘problem marriage,’ in my view, though, is that… Continue Reading