One of my jobs as an adviser to couples is to inquire about early warning signs. In the Oct. 13 New Yorker I read the story of one Mathew Martoma, whose long-held secret was outed when the feds arrested him, in… Continue Reading
In the last five posts I addressed several different kinds of problem marriages, where often the basic underpinnings of the marriage are weak, and thus one or more partners often ends up asking if they should stay or go. Let… Continue Reading
Do you remember that commercial where the man is drinking a soda (if I remember correctly), filling his body and coating his teeth with refined sugars and providing nothing in the way of nutrition, and then, in a burst of heaven-sent… Continue Reading
Judith and Jay* had a checkered relationship, as so many long-term marrieds do. They had weathered raising the children, as well as the empty-nest syndrome. Sometimes she drove him round the bend with her non-stop chatter and tendency to cheer-lead; she… Continue Reading
What do you do when faced with a situation like Trish’s, where your partner loses a career and becomes a mere shadow of him or herself? Or one like Timothy’s, where your life’s mate morphs into someone you don’t know… Continue Reading
Let us just take a brief moment to thank Brad Pitt for his innovative contribution to the Commitment Phobe cause. Says Pitt: “Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally… Continue Reading
Betty and Brian* were confirmed atheists, and had been since they were teenagers. So when her Catholic family and his Jewish family protested about their marriage, they laughed at the small-mindedness of their parents and threw themselves a huge wedding… Continue Reading
Tamika* and Timothy* had an unusual arrangement, but it worked for them. Tamika, an open-heart surgeon, became quite successful, to the point where she was able to take only private pay patients. She surely brought home the bacon. And Timothy did… Continue Reading
Rule #1 for a Commitment Phobe: Always remember the back door. Wendy* worried, early in the relationship, because she wasn’t Jewish. A lovely woman originally from Oregon, Wendy had spent time in therapy working on relationship issues, and learning how… Continue Reading
It probably seemed pretty clear how the first problem marriage structure, of the over- and under-functioning spouses, could lead to marital stress–although many of these couples stay together for the long-term. The second ‘problem marriage,’ in my view, though, is that… Continue Reading
Here’s a statistic from Dr. Paul Amato, sociologist at Penn State University, that I find staggering: Around 55-60 percent of divorces occur in low-conflict marriages, where hollering is at a minimum, and arguments might even be quite rare. Dr. Amato calls these… Continue Reading
Some spouses came across as aggressive and demanding. But Norah and Tali were different. Let’s look at two controlling women who passively managed to get their spouses to do their bidding. Norah never learned to drive. Norm encouraged her repeatedly… Continue Reading
