How Do You Know if Your Spouse is Controlling?

What are some warning signs you can and should learn to pick up on early in the relationship, signs that the person you are with is a controlling partner? As a general indicator, a huge warning sign that you’re involved… Continue Reading


Taking Back Control in Abusive Relationships

So we’ve addressed the importance of picking and winning small battles, as well as of not entering into an argument with your spouse on topics on which there’s really no ‘winning.’ What else can you do to get out from… Continue Reading


Under My Thumb–Controlling Spouses, Part VII: Taking Back Control #1

At one end of the relationship gradation is patriarchal violence [and, as I’ve mentioned before, if you are in a physically abusive relationship in which you are beaten to the point of physical harm, this blog is not for you.… Continue Reading


Reasserting Independence from a Controlling Partner

So we’ve gone through some crucial control-reassertion moves, talked about how to deal with change-back moves, addressed what your fears might be–and quoted my son not once but twice. Not bad for a day’s work. But there are still a… Continue Reading


The (Self-)Blame Game

As people read about couples where one partner is dominated and controlled by the other, most healthy individuals wonder why, in heaven’s name, the controlled partner doesn’t leave–or at least make it clear that the day of a new regime… Continue Reading


Stuck in My Marriage: What Am I Afraid Of?

Having acknowledged in the past post that simply forgiving your spouse’s controlling behaviors, and sweeping your own anger under the rug, is not a way to either improve your situation or achieve self-respect, let us return to steps you should… Continue Reading


How to Control Your Spouse–Beware

Before you read on I want to make it extremely clear that the control I am discussing in these posts does NOT deal with patriarchal abuse or violence. I use ‘patriarchal violence’ as a term to describe violence in which… Continue Reading


Winning Small Victories Against a Controlling Spouse

We left off with the story of Lou, the poorly behaved terrior, who got whipped into shape in the last post with a little bit of tough love. That story has a couple of lessons about control that are crucial… Continue Reading