Money May Equal Power in Couple Relationships

So, let’s assume, for the moment, that I’m that marriage counselor competent in financial matters,  and a couple with an unequal money-power ratio has come to me. Let’s assume you, the reader, are part of that dyad.

So, if you’re the controlling spouse, you’re not likely to care what I say, but read on, just a few more lines. Just remember this: in divorce court all assets are split 50/50. You can share financially within the marriage, and improve your happiness, or you’ll be forced by to share by law when the marriage ends. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I hope this reality might encourage you to read on further.

If you’re the timid spouse, it’s time to get over your fear and take control of your life. If you don’t speak up for your financial needs and wants in your marriage, the bitterness will consume you over time, and you will begin to act out in unproductive ways, such as sneaking money from the family accounts by getting cash back for grocery purchases, which is, in reality, laundering money to avoid confrontation.

To both spouses: Managing your anger through silent submission, ineffective fighting and blaming, or removing yourself emotionally from your spouse just leads to more and more emotional distancing–including in the bedroom.

But who wants the longings of their heart outweighed by cold hard cash? It’s time to redistribute the weight on those scales in a radical way.

Goal: Both partners must reach a point where money does not equal power in their marriage.


I help adults and adolescents through the particular struggles of our time: tension between couples, parenting frustration, blending new families, separation and divorce, (un)employment, cancer, and loss. When relationships come to an impasse, I use mediation techniques to try to ensure that each party will have his/her needs heard and accounted for in a dignified way. In addition to talking, listening, and reframing, I utilizes the tools of metaphor, active teaching, role-playing, visualization, and hypnotherapy.for families and businesses, as well as in cases of divorce.

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